The 5 Reasons Why People Stop Believing Their Soul Mates Are Out There

Each and every time we break up our idea of a "soul mate" dies just a little. When we fall in love, we are convinced that we have found our one and only partner. However, when we break up, rather than admitting that we were mistaken about the identity of that person being our one and true love, it is easier to accept that such things are a myth. Also, if we are the person who was dumped, it is easier not to believe in them than to accept the fact that we were dumped by our possible soul mate!

The energy, time, and money we need to find a soul mate are enormous. Most of us do not have those resources to find them. Rather, we will tend to lower our standards and compromise on the best person we can find: "Mr/Mrs Right Now" rather than "Mr/Mrs Right". It will drive most of us crazy to realize the thought that we have committed our life to that one person who is not what they should be.

We know that we need to find and get that person but we feel it would be far too risky to sacrifice our savings or mortgage our house to buy a nationally run advert to find that one person. So, to reduce emotional distress and prevent possible financial risk, we abandon our beliefs about them being out there, and learn to live without that true love. Eventually, many of us will get tired of this "half-ass" or "practical" love and get divorced.

The presence of children can also "kill" the idea of us finding a true partner. Those of us with children will offer the excuse that we are "living for the children" and we will pour all of our attention and love into that bond rather than looking for the one person out there who can share the load.

If we don't have children or pets to look out for then our soul mate can become our job. Longer hours at the office, amongst our colleagues, seems to fill that hole in our lives. "Married to the Job" rather than "Married to the Mob"

So, break-ups, resources, risk, children and work are the five reasons for people stopping the belief that their soul mates are out there just waiting in the wings.

John H Valentine is an author of various articles on finding those one true partners we all know are out there. For more of John's "break ups" and "make ups" please follow this link: http://www.breakup-poems.weebly.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=John_H_Valentine

History of the Soul Mate Myth & Challenges in Soul Mate Marriages

The notion of "soul mates" has been around a very, very long time.

However, there are several viewpoints as to how to describe "soul mates" ... even on how to spell it! Some people spell the term as a whole word, soulmate and others, including us, prefer to keep it as two words, soul mate.

Soul Mate Descriptions

* Reincarnation: Some believe that a soul mate is someone with whom a person has shared other life times through reincarnation.

The soul mate could be a friend, business partner, parent, child, sibling, spouse or other family member. These soul mates can be of the same or opposite sex.

* Other Half: Others believe, like the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, that a soul mate is a person's "other half". This concept was the basis of the movie, "The Butcher's Wife" where the idea of "split-aparts" searching for one another was explored.

People all over the world believe that we are all searching for someone to make us whole and to share our journey of life with.

* A dictionary definition is: One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.

Someone for whom you have a deep affinity . A person temperamentally suited to another.

* Predestination: The movie "Still Breathing" examines the thought that people are drawn together as soul mates by destiny or fate and that being with our soul mate is something we have no control over. This idea of predestination and connection even after death between soul mates was also examined in the movie "What Dreams May Come".

* Making Life Come to Life: Richard Bach describes soul mates as "A soulmate is someone who has the locks to fit our keys, and the keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we; we can be loved for who we are and for who we're pretending to be. Each of us unveils the best part of one another. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person were safe in our paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. "

* Profound Connection:Thomas Moore, in his book Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship, page xvii, describes a soul mate as "someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communication and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life."

* Feeling at Ease With one Another: We don't believe a soul mate is the ideal or one and only person in someone's life. Our definition of soul mates is people who together want to work on making their marriage a great one. Their relationship feels like a natural fit, and although they need to work on their marriage, it is not hard to do. When soul mates first meet, there is an immediate sense of being at ease and connected.

* General Belief: Most believe that soul mates can accept and love every part of the other's personality and that life with a soul mate is easy and natural.

Soul Mate Challenges
Although you may assume that a partnership of two soul mates should be able to handle challenging times well, that may not always be the case. Just because they are in tune to one another, are each willing to take responsibility for their role in contributing to the conflict, and are both committed to making the marriage a successful one -- the marriage can still fall apart if other essentials such as love, respect, and communication are missing.

Many people have probably already married their soul mates and simply don't realize it. The danger in believing in the concept of soul mates is taking your marriage relationship for granted.

If you start looking for perfection in your spouse, or think that everything in your relationship should immediately click, and that there won't be any problems, you are setting yourself up for a dose of heavy disillusionment.

There can be temptation to bail out of an unhappy marriage because you think your spouse isn't your soul mate. If you think that marrying your soul mate will mean a life free from hard times and conflict, you are not facing reality.

Searching For Your Soul Mate

Robert Johansen

If you are ready to go on a soul mate search, it means that you have been ready for a long time to find the one love of your life and to be happy. A soul mate search is a very romantic idea, because it means that you are going to be searching for that one person that you will be happy with for the rest of your life, the one person who you cannot live without. However, it might be a very long soul mate search, if you aren't sure what you are looking for.
When it comes right down to it, a soul mate search is going to be much easier if you have a better idea of what a soul mate is. Lots of people think that they know what a soul mate is, and they believe in the romantic notion of the fact that each person was created with another person in mind. Of course, this might be true. But it also might have a lot to do with body chemistry, and other things such as upbringing and beliefs.
Basically put, those that go on a soul mate search are looking for the one person that they can live with for their entire lives. There are lots of things that you should be looking for if you are going on a soul mate search and if you know them before you start, it will make your soul mate search a lot easier to complete.
First of all, a soul mate should be someone who finds you attractive. Of course, many people confuse this with the idea of lust. A soul mate is someone who might have those lusty feelings for you, but who will also find you attractive inside and out. This is someone who is going to be attracted to your body, your mind, your spirit, and everything else about you. This is an important point to clarify, because many people waste a lot of time during their soul mate search with the people who are simply in it for the lust.
Next, the person that you are looking for during your soul mate search should have a lot of things in common with you. Of course, it is always fun to be with someone who is completely different than you are, but in the end, having things in common is going to be a lot better than not having anything in common. This relates back to the lust factor again. After the lust wears off, there has to be something that you have that will tie you to the person you found during your soul mate search. If you don’t have anything in common, you might end up realizing that you have made a mistake during your search.
Another thing to remember is that often you won't find your soul mate right away during your soul mate search. You might have to look at a few people before you find the one that you are truly looking for. However, once you do, you will find out that nothing can be better

Is it possible to find your soulmate?

by PeopleJam.com

When it comes to dating, I often hear people talk abut finding their soulmate- their one true love. The idea is that there is a certain person in the world that grasps the inner workings of your soul, someone with whom you can communicate easily and without even words at times. You have such a profound connection that it is as if you have always known each other and it doesn't make sense to think about life going forward without that person. You didn't even know it until you met this person, but this is what you have been looking for your whole life.

Is there such a thing as a soulmate? Well, first let me tell you what it isn't. Many people have the experience I just described when they first fall in love. It can be instantaneous and with someone you hardly know or are prevented from being with due to circumstances or distance. Psychologists call this romantic state limerence, or infatuation, and it gives you the sense that you are mystically merged with the one you love. But, being infatuated does not mean you have found your soulmate. Infatuation lasts from two to three years, a soulmate is for life.

If all goes well, infatuation will evolve into attachment- the secure sense that you are with someone who makes you feel safe and known. You can still find romantic feelings of excitement from time to time but when you grow into the experience of attachment the dominant feeling is no longer euphoria, but contentment. Here is where it is possible to find your soulmate. With secure attachment you can know and be known, trust and be trusted with a partner who complements your life. Finding your soulmate is usually not something that happens instantly. As with all matters of the soul, it takes time. You won't find your soulmate by looking outward and examining others, you will find him or her by looking inward and becoming a spiritual and emotional person of depth yourself. Rather than looking for the right person, spend your efforts becoming the right person and with enough time and effort your soulmate will be more likely to appear.

So how do you know if you are soulmate material? Ask yourself a few questions. First, do you blame people for failed relationships? Blame looks backwards and tries to find fault. This is rarely helpful or growth producing (This includes blaming yourself as well as others). Focus on what you can learn instead of who you can blame. Second, do you act or react in relationships? People who react make decisions in response to what others feel and believe. People who take action know how they feel, have clear values and can initiate steps towards their own growth. Being clear about who you are helps you know when you have found someone who is a good fit. And third, have you found the balance between being vulnerable to others and self care? Are you too invested in protecting yourself, or on the other extreme do you need better boundaries? Love requires a balance between taking care of yourself and caring for others. Spiritually healthy relationships have balance.

If you have asked yourself these questions then you are moving in the right direction. Becoming a good soulmate is the best way to find one.

Are You Looking For A Soulmate?

That's fine but if you really believe you only have one soul mate, you are probably going to miss out on many opportunities for intimacy and personal fulfillment. Although the term soulmate can mean different things to different people, I am of the opinion that for most of us, we have multiple soulmates. People with whom we share enough common belief and conviction that our souls are mated by our faith and love.
Many people make the mistake of seeking out a mate before they take the crucial step of knowing themselves. If I were to guess, the one main reason people\'s relationships fail is that they fail to get to know themselves first. Consider how difficult it will be to reveal personal intimate knowledge of oneself if you are not even sure who you are. Don\'t try to find intimacy until you are prepared to give it. In other words, until you know yourself well enough to accurately describe who you are in plain and simple terms, you can\'t really expect to share intimacy with another.
Know yourself, your limitations, your weaknesses, your likes and dislikes, what you can tolerate and what you can\'t first. Then when you meet potential partners, you will have no trouble helping them to know you and you will be able to get to know them as well.
Intimacy Is A Shared Experience
True intimacy is based entirely on honesty, forthrightness, and sharing. Unless you are willing to risk being hurt and revealing yourself to another you are not ready to share intimacy. And intimacy is a shared experience. It is the experience and process of knowing and being known by another. Sounds like it takes some effort right? Well it does.
It takes a personal commitment to being honest about how you feel and what you think, even if people don\'t always understand it completely. It also takes a similar commitment from your significant other. Unless both partners are committed to complete honesty and forthrightness about feelings, thoughts, experiences, perceptions, and beliefs, intimacy cannot grow into a mature understanding and knowledge.
So many people find themselves hurt in relationships when they feel as if they have given everything they could and it still does not result in the closeness and intimacy they desire. Sometimes, its not even their fault entirely. Sometimes they choose to give everything but their true self, trying so hard to please the other person but not really expressing themselves honestly. Sometimes, they choose to give intimacy to someone who is not capable or desirous of giving it back on the same level. Needless to say, such a one way commitment is not going to result in the closeness and intimacy they desire, but it is not necessarily their fault.
Persistence and Practice Do Pay Off
So you have had your heart broken? You have given all you have and it still fell apart. Don\'t be discouraged. Don\'t make the mistake so many people make and retreat into a shell. Don\'t tell yourself, \"that is it, I am never going to try again\". That is the worst mistake anyone can make when they are pursuing personal fulfilment and intimacy.
Consider how impossible it will become to actually meet someone and share intimacy with them if you have previously decided that you will never again take the chance. It is my belief that sometimes people get hurt when they are young and close themselves off to intimacy trying to protect their feelings and then actually forget that they made this decision.
Then as the years pass and they find themselves alone, they wonder why. Despite the fact that at some point in their past they decided to close themselves off. Sound familiar? Well, the good news is that it is never to late to try again. But not with the same attitude obviously. If you want true intimacy you will take another chance and another until you find what you want.
Hopefully, this time you will take a little time to find out who you are and how best to communicate this. Then make the personal commitment to always be honest about what you need, what you want, and to comunicate this openly without games or riddles.
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Romantic Ideas for Valentine's Day

For many couples, Valentine's Day is the most romantic day of the year. There are lots of ways to make this Valentine's Day special and memorable for you and your significant other. Whether you're looking for something simple or want to go all out, a little effort can go a long way towards a memorable and romantic holiday. First, you'll want to decide on and prepare your setting.
Some couples spend Valentine's Day at a romantic restaurant. If this is what you prefer, choose a restaurant that offers a romantic and secluded setting. Many dining establishments have special Valentine's Day promotions that include candlelight and champagne. While a romantic dinner at a fine restaurant is always a traditional choice, many couples want something a bit more exciting. This year, think of something you've never experienced before and make arrangements to do it. This might include a hot air balloon ride or horseback ride down the beach.

Of course, staying at home can be romantic, too. Arrange to cook your loved one's favorite meal, or have it catered. Don't forget to light lots of candles and put a pretty bouquet of flowers on the table. Break out the fine china and crystal, and adorn the table with a lace tablecloth if you have one. Play some soft music in the background, dim the lights, and ask your dinner guest to wear something special. Be sure to have chilled champagne ready and plan a romantic dessert. Berries with chocolate fondue, angel food cake and creme brulee are all popular choices.

Many couples choose to exchange gifts on Valentine's Day. This can be a romantic and special ritual for any couple. If you're newly dating, keep gifts small. Flowers and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates are the standard gifts for many. If you're married, engaged or in a committed relationship, you can't go wrong with jewelry. Or, go for a practical gift that can be enjoyed together like a bottle of warming massage oil, a romantic novelty board game, or a bottle of fine champagne. Or, create a Valentine's Day gift basket filled with all of these items!

The most important thing when planning a romantic Valentine's Day is to take the likes and dislikes of you and your partner into consideration. What's romantic for one couple might be a total turn-off for another. The Valentine's Day celebration you share with your partner, like your love itself, should be a highly personal celebration of your unique relationship. By understanding the best way to symbolize, celebrate and express your love, you can make this Valentine's Day something to remember!

Online Dating-Why We Can't Find Our Soul Mate Online

by: Vivian Johnson
Some of us singles feel like our life is incomplete without our “soul mate”. So we are on a mission to find this illusive person!

Why we can’t find our soul mate online is that we do not know what characteristics our soul mate will have. We may be ignoring our soul mate everyday!

Our “soul mate” may have a gentle nature and aren’t as persistent as the other Singles that force their way into our worlds.

You will find the persons that are the most persistent and aggressive online are not your soul mate.

So if we are waiting for our soul mate to “steam roll” their way into our lives, we are wasting our time. This will never happen!

Why we can’t find our soul mate online is that when we first go online we are pursued by the stronger personality types. The ones that will email us over and over again without even waiting for a response.

We may not know it at the time but the people that monopolize most of our time online is not our soul mate. So we aren’t available when our soul mate comes along.

For this reason, I tell all singles do not spend your “down time” communicating with Singles you really aren’t interested in.

The “nicer” singles will not pursue you if they perceive you really aren’t interested in them. They will move on,

The reason why we can’t find our soul mate online is that we are usually overlooking them!

Stay away from the time wasters, that will insure you are available when your “soul mate” finds you!

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Definitions of Soulmates

Classic Meaning of Soulmates
The concepts of soulmates arose from Greek mythology. According to the story, our ancestors once had 2 heads, 4 arms. They did something to offend a god so that god punished them by splitting them down the middle, resulting in the creation of humans. As a punishment, we are condemned to spend our lives searching for the other half, our soulmates.

Spiritual Soulmate Concepts
Many religions and spiritual paths believe in reincarnation and the concept of karma. Through reincarnation, soulmates may spend many lifetimes together in past lives. Other spiritual methods of searching for one's soulmate are astrology, numerology, palm reading, personality types, and magic. Modern spritual paths often blend western and eastern philosophies.

Companion Soulmates
These are people that we encounter through their life. These are usually friends, teachers, mentors, or other people who have helped you achieving a life's goal or helped you out of a crisis.

Twin Soulmates
These types of soulmate are your closest friends or a person whom you really click with. According to those who believe in reincarnation, you have already met them in a past life, and in this life you are continuing the relationship. There is an emotional bond between these soulmates and each is able to sense the feelings of each other..

Twin Flame Soulmates
This is the most popular type of soulmate. There is usually one twin flame soulmate for each of us. Twin flame soulmates have spent multiple lifetimes together in past lives. There is incredible chemistry and attraction towards each other. They "complete" each other and only few lucky people are able to find their twin flame soulmate. Twin flame soulmates, if separated, usually suffer enormous pain.


Love Economics Definition of Soulmates
Love Economics is our theory of love and dating. It is based on probabilities calculations, population statistics, and empirical research findings from Psychology, Sociology, Anthropology, and Psychiatry. Love Economics explains social interactions in economic terms, benefits and costs. Based on this theory, the person who gives you the highest benefit per cost ratio on this Earth is your soulmate. The benefit to cost ratio is called your soulmate ratio. Mathematically, the ratio is written as:

Soulmate Ratio = Total Love Benefit / Total Love Cost

Your soulmate is the person who will maximize your soulmate ratio and vice versa. If another person exists that has the ability to give you a higher soulmate ratio than the person you are with, then the person you are with is not your soulmate. No one in this world, including being by yourself, could make you happier than being in love with your soulmate. True love is the love you share with your soulmate.

Some people believe that a potential soulmate may be living halfway around the world. Based on the Love Economic Theory, the odds are against this happening due to cultural differences unless you just moved from there. Also, geographical distance will increase search, research, and maintenance costs. Unless one of you decides to take the risk to move to the other person's location, he/she is not your soulmate.

The longer you are in love with your soulmate, the higher the soulmate ratio becomes. Better communication skills will emerge and you both will share more experiences resulting in more similarities. It is only after you finished the research phase and had been in love for many years can you determine if the person you are with is indeed your soulmate.

Modern Soulmate Theory

1. Modern Soulmate Theory is based on math and probability calculations.

2. It has nothing to do with reincarnation, astrology, or magic.

3. Soulmates are not destined to be with each other.

4. God may have made a soulmate or a few soulmates for you. God may help you find your soulmate or He may not. Evil forces or your own free will may influence you to choose the wrong person.

5. You may have one or millions of soulmates depending on how different you are from the population mean.

6. Statistically, there is at least one person in this world that will bring you true love, a love that will last a lifetime.

7. People spend a lot of time, money, and energy in their search for soulmates.

8. The odds of finding a soulmate are very slim. Only a few people are lucky enough to find their soulmates.

9. Current dating services are inefficient and flawed.

10. People are "forced" to settle for incompatible mates resulting in break ups and divorces.

11. Human and social capital decrease because of relationship problems.

12. One day in the near future, because of technological advances, people will find their soulmate or soulmates very easily.

Valentine's Day, Fairytales and Finding Your Soul Mate

Is it really any wonder that we're in so much trouble as a society when it comes to marriage and relationships when you look around at the various media portrayals of what an ideal, healthy relationship might look like. Let's start with a popular ballad about the expectations you might have of your soulmate:
"I don't care who you are, where you're from
Or what you did, as long as you love me."
What a beauty! Talk about co-dependent low self-esteem as the end goal.
Then there's the big line from the movie Jerry McGuire:
"You complete me."
What is that? Are we really walking around as pieces of a soul mate jigsaw puzzle, waiting to find our missing piece in the form of another person or be doomed to a life with our incomplete self? I don't think so.
Now before I go any further, the point here is not to destroy your enjoyment of popular songs (that I can admit to humming along with) or movies (that I actually enjoyed). Rather, I want you to put them into some much needed perspective.
They're fictional, these stories didn't happen, they're not true. And it's a good thing too!
Go back to the song's lyrics for a moment and read them again and imagine what that relationship might look like. And this time don't sing the lyrics, just read them as a statement.
I love this exercise, because when you take the message out of the context it was presented to you, well, it's not quite so romantic is it?
Unfortunately, as a society we're taking this form of subconscious relationship advice in by the truckload. We don't examine the actual message because we're too swept up in the emotions they trigger. And what's the end result? We have a society where the popular belief is that fairytales can come true.
I'm sorry, but the fact that it is theoretically possible for a street prostitute to end up with a handsome billionaire as in Pretty Woman, is not a good reason to wait around for your own knight in shining armor to come riding into town on a white horse. Likewise, it's very doubtful that a delightful, princess of a woman is going to magically see through your outwardly destructive behavior, to the man for all seasons that lies within.
And then there's the doozie that we've all fallen for in one relationship or another, that "love" will conquer all. The Beatles lied when they told us "All You Need is Love", because they left out all of the other components that you need in order to find, and keep your true soul mate.
You're going to need to be very, very clear on exactly the type of person you want in your life, the kind of values they would have (as well as clearly knowing your own values).
You'll need to have a healthy and developed sense of respect, for yourself first, and then for the person you're inviting into your life.
You'll need to master the art of direct, truthful and sincere communication and be prepared to hold yourself accountable for using it.
You'll also need trust. Trust in you, and trust in your partner with a clear understanding of your mutual agreements and the consequences for breaking them.
And of course you'll need to learn the techniques necessary to apply all of these components with your partner.
We claim to all want rich, loving relationships, yet it's been my experience that people are mostly treating their relationship like it were a game of chance. Think of it like this; finding your true soul mate and creating your ideal relationship is the equivalent of playing a round of golf with someone and each of you shooting par on every hole ... does it make sense to try to do this without taking lessons or instruction from someone who has played to that level before?
Of course not.
You don't get lucky or unlucky in love. You either get the necessary knowledge, and through its application create what might look like "luck" to an outsider, or you continue to enter into relationships hoping that the next one will be "the one" or that the one you're in currently will spontaneously evolve into the relationship of your dreams.
Your soul mate is out there, you just need to decide how important it is that you find them.